the science of kissing

"When it comes to humanity's first kiss, or its predecessor in another species, we have no way of knowing exactly how and why, once upon a time, it happened. After all, there are kisses of joy, of passion and lust, of love and endearment, of commitment and comfort, of social grace and necessity, of sorrow and supplication. It would be silly to assume all these different types of kisses developed from a single behavior or cause; in all likelihood, we kiss as we do today for multiple reasons, not just one."

rant on LD

I don't mean to sound repetitive but why does it seem like guys are afraid of long distance relationships? Are they ideal? Of course not. Are they difficult? Usually. But if you've struggled to find someone you connect with on a) emotional b) intellectual c) spiritual and d) physical levels and happen to meet someone who rocks your world, even if they live elsewhere, why pass up the opportunity to see what could happen? You could be missing out on something amazing but you'd never know it because you're not taking a chance to witness the possibility. It automatically fails because you didn't try. And all I know is that I'm quite a good catch, and if the next guy I meet lives out of town or out of state (like the last three potential guys) and he's so quick to say "no" then I'll probably join a convent. Or I'll move. I'm seriously fed up with this bullsheet. I don't like being teased with hopeful possibilities.

kind quote 1/31

For Christmas my mom gave me a desk calendar called "Kind Anecdotes" which provides sayings and stories related to kindness. Today's kind quote has been my favorite thus far for this year:

"Each person has inside a basic decency and goodness. If he listens to it and acts on it, he is giving a great deal of what it is the world needs most. It is not complicated but it takes courage. It takes courage for a person to listen to his own goodness and act on it."
- Pablo Casals

pictures

Is it bad that part of me wishes I were engaged right now only for the sole purpose of having an excuse to take trendy, artsy, creative pictures with an amazing photographer? I am constantly blown away by several engagement pictures I've seen on Facebook. The photographs seem to capture so many amazing qualities about the people, the couple, the love, the future. Black and grey scale, shadows, contrast, focus on color, soft delicate tender moments, joyful real silly shots, blurred out of focus secrecy, upclose and personal exposure, stolen glimpses of intimacy, smiles and smirks, stares and glances.

Here are just a few pictures I adore from past and present friend engagements:

spark

I have a great friend who is undeniably blessed with gifts of encouragement, wisdom, and honesty. She was in town last night and provided me with some amazing words I needed to hear. I was explaining to her my recent movie magic guy situation and how I've been feeling since it ended before it began. After 2.5ish years of being single and no real prospective guys in sight, I fell hard into the situation and hoped for the best. I felt a spark that I hadn't felt in such a long time and it felt wonderful. 

What my beautiful friend brought to my attention was that I needn't feel sad that nothing was occurring with the guy who gave me the spark. What I should be thankful for was that I was finally able to feel the spark again. I glazed the presence of THE spark. And I'm reminded that a more enriching and encompassing spark is waiting for me somewhere in the future. 

Waiting. That's the other key thing to remember. Waiting, not looking. 

These words and more were echoes of a text my other incredible friend sent me this week in regards to where my heart has been: "I know.. Its hard. But, how great does it feel to know how pursuable you are...," and you're right MG. It does feel empowering to know my value as a woman and what I have to contribute to a relationship. And one day the right guy will realize my value and will uplift me to show me I'm worth it. And in turn I'll do the same for him. 

So... wait I shall. And self-worth I will pursue. 

movie magic

You can't create movie magic in real life. If you try and manipulate a moment to become movie magic, then you've missed the whole concept of it in the first place. Movie magic occurs when something so organic and genuine just naturally happens and it sweeps you off your feet and catches your breath all at once. Movie magic is a feeling you'll always assign to a particular memory that was so outstanding and marvelous that you could only imagine it occurring in a movie. True authentic movie magic is rare. But if you've ever had a taste of it you know how powerful and overwhelming it can be.

Personally, I can think of two movie magic moments occurring in my lifetime. My first taste of movie magic was during my junior year of college. It involved a crush on a boy, a misunderstanding, hurt feelings, apologetic phone call, dropped call, crying, pebbles thrown at window, third floor conversation, running down the stairs, forgiveness, and kisses in the stairwell. A very Romeo and Juliet-esque movie magic moment, I'd say.

My second movie magic moment happened this past weekend. I am so completely enamored by this moment that I'm still having to recover and return to earth from the entire experience. A delicate, perfect kiss underneath the Hollywood sign at 3 am followed by a night of gentle yet passionate canoodling in a warm bed. It was perfection. Movie magic perfection. He was a stranger two weeks ago but now I feel as if I've been waiting for a guy as special as him for quite some time.

But unfortunately, as with all magic, movie magic is only temporary. You aren't allowed to experience movie magic forever. And so in this more recent instance, my movie magician is still in LA and I am in SA. So all the daydreams that follow movie magic will now cease to transform into reality. And that makes me quite sad.

Then again, I remember how lucky I've been to experience movie magic more than once. And no one can take those memories away. I hope you glimpse movie magic because it truly is astounding to feel in your heart.

waiting room review

I've been living in my own apartment for four months now and I've yet to make substantial attempts in acquiring Internet or cable television. I suppose I just haven't felt the need to design my home life around its accessibility. If I need to look anything up on the Internet, my iPhone is extremely useful. As for entertainment purposes, the public library and Netflix Instant keep me pretty happy. I suppose I'm just surprised by this accidental lifestyle change because if we were friends in college you would know that I loved my television shows and I had VCR tapes to prove it.
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Last night I was terribly upset by something and originally wanted to spend my evening tipping back as much beer and shots as possible to drown out my anger. Once I stepped inside my apartment, put my purse on the kitchen chair, and plopped down on my futon I realized that I didn't want to be "that" girl. So instead, I changed into my comfy pajamas, lit a few candles, poured myself some pinto grigio, and opened to the first page of an Esther bible study my mom had given me several months ago. I sat there reading the forward and the introduction in the scented candlelight, nervously hesitant to dive further into the study. In all honesty I haven't read the Bible in four to five months. I left my church and in turn stopped volunteering with the middle school youth. I wouldn't say I've turned my back on God, but I certainly haven't faced Him in awhile. When I think back to my ministry involvement in college, I can't seem to find that same girl in me now. I'm more honest with my intentions and only want them to be raw and genuine. I can't fake it anymore. And I'm slowly finding my own way, feeling that inner desire for something deeper. But it'll never be the same, and I'm thankful for that.
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I would like to be an editor. I'm by no means a connoisseur of English grammar or literature, but I do believe I would be a great editor. My co-workers know that I have "editor's eye" so I've become the resident "can you look this over for me, Laura?" gal. I love it. And I love to read. So make those two things have babies, and give me an editor job. Somebody, please!
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My iPhone just quit on me for the second time. All because I attempt to update its software on my seven year old Toshiba laptop. Oops, my bad. I've already reserved a Genius Bar appointment for tomorrow morning. I hate being the opposite of techno-savvy. Techno-stupid? Meh, I'll go with that name. At least when it concerns Apple products.
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While in the doctor's office this morning I reviewed several of my last blog posts and I didn't know until now that I mention virginity quite often. Almost an uncomfortable amount of times. And now add this one to the list. Oy vey.
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October 1st is World Vegetarian Day. I've pledged to be vegetarian for the entire month (with the exception of five meat meal passes to be used at my disposal). I asked my resident vegetarian co-worker to approve these passes and explained that when my sister returns from Afghanistan and visits us for a week, I'm going to need permission to devour as much ribs, fajita meat, and fried chicken as possible. I can't leave a carnivorous sister hanging.