sentience

Sentience is another word for consciousness, or the ability to be aware of oneself. For example, you know that you are a human. You know that you are separate from the world around you. When you think a thought or feel an emotion, you know that it only applies to you. You understand that the rest of the world does not change as your mind changes. You are aware that no one else feels or thinks the things you do. You are also aware that your thoughts and feelings come from inside you; they're not placed in your mind from an external source. You have a memory of your thought processes - you know that you didn't always think or feel the way you think or feel right now. And you know that you probably won't think or feel tomorrow the way you do right now. This self-awareness is one of the foundations of human intelligence. Without it, humans would be nonthinking brutes, unable to plan, or remember, or relate to other people.

- The Science of Battlestar Galactica by Di Justo and Grazier, page 32

starting point

For my birthday I asked my parents for a graduate school book that broke down programs by field and programs by state. I have key places I'm interested in moving to in order to attend grad school (Chicago, Boston, Denver, Kansas City, Los Angeles, New York) but I'm trying not to limit myself. I took a moment today and maneuvered my way through this book. I decided to approach this process by first circling the grad school fields of study I was interested in pursuing and learning more about. This is that list, narrowed down:

African Studies, Anthropology, Arts Administration, Art Therapy, Child Development, Corporate and Organizational Communication, Counselor Education, Cultural Studies, Demography and Population Studies, Educational Leadership and Administration, Ethnic Studies, Higher Education, Human Development, Humanities, Human Services, International Affairs, International Development, Liberal Studies, Nonprofit Management, Public Administration, Public Affairs, Public Policy, Religion, Social Psychology, Social Sciences, Social Sciences Education, Social Work, Sociology, Student Affairs, Therapies-Dance, Drama, and Music, Urban and Regional Planning, Urban Education, and Women's Studies

Granted I need to do further research on several of these fields but these are the grad school programs I'm interested in committing to in order to learn more about myself and the world. THIS is a starting point.

the science of kissing

"When it comes to humanity's first kiss, or its predecessor in another species, we have no way of knowing exactly how and why, once upon a time, it happened. After all, there are kisses of joy, of passion and lust, of love and endearment, of commitment and comfort, of social grace and necessity, of sorrow and supplication. It would be silly to assume all these different types of kisses developed from a single behavior or cause; in all likelihood, we kiss as we do today for multiple reasons, not just one."

rant on LD

I don't mean to sound repetitive but why does it seem like guys are afraid of long distance relationships? Are they ideal? Of course not. Are they difficult? Usually. But if you've struggled to find someone you connect with on a) emotional b) intellectual c) spiritual and d) physical levels and happen to meet someone who rocks your world, even if they live elsewhere, why pass up the opportunity to see what could happen? You could be missing out on something amazing but you'd never know it because you're not taking a chance to witness the possibility. It automatically fails because you didn't try. And all I know is that I'm quite a good catch, and if the next guy I meet lives out of town or out of state (like the last three potential guys) and he's so quick to say "no" then I'll probably join a convent. Or I'll move. I'm seriously fed up with this bullsheet. I don't like being teased with hopeful possibilities.

kind quote 1/31

For Christmas my mom gave me a desk calendar called "Kind Anecdotes" which provides sayings and stories related to kindness. Today's kind quote has been my favorite thus far for this year:

"Each person has inside a basic decency and goodness. If he listens to it and acts on it, he is giving a great deal of what it is the world needs most. It is not complicated but it takes courage. It takes courage for a person to listen to his own goodness and act on it."
- Pablo Casals

pictures

Is it bad that part of me wishes I were engaged right now only for the sole purpose of having an excuse to take trendy, artsy, creative pictures with an amazing photographer? I am constantly blown away by several engagement pictures I've seen on Facebook. The photographs seem to capture so many amazing qualities about the people, the couple, the love, the future. Black and grey scale, shadows, contrast, focus on color, soft delicate tender moments, joyful real silly shots, blurred out of focus secrecy, upclose and personal exposure, stolen glimpses of intimacy, smiles and smirks, stares and glances.

Here are just a few pictures I adore from past and present friend engagements:

spark

I have a great friend who is undeniably blessed with gifts of encouragement, wisdom, and honesty. She was in town last night and provided me with some amazing words I needed to hear. I was explaining to her my recent movie magic guy situation and how I've been feeling since it ended before it began. After 2.5ish years of being single and no real prospective guys in sight, I fell hard into the situation and hoped for the best. I felt a spark that I hadn't felt in such a long time and it felt wonderful. 

What my beautiful friend brought to my attention was that I needn't feel sad that nothing was occurring with the guy who gave me the spark. What I should be thankful for was that I was finally able to feel the spark again. I glazed the presence of THE spark. And I'm reminded that a more enriching and encompassing spark is waiting for me somewhere in the future. 

Waiting. That's the other key thing to remember. Waiting, not looking. 

These words and more were echoes of a text my other incredible friend sent me this week in regards to where my heart has been: "I know.. Its hard. But, how great does it feel to know how pursuable you are...," and you're right MG. It does feel empowering to know my value as a woman and what I have to contribute to a relationship. And one day the right guy will realize my value and will uplift me to show me I'm worth it. And in turn I'll do the same for him. 

So... wait I shall. And self-worth I will pursue.