Book 1. Excerpt B.

Excerpt B:

"My drive continued and worries about vanishing feelings remained like a background radiation. But I guess the nice thing about driving a car is that the physical act of driving itself occupies a good chunk of brain cells that otherwise would be giving you trouble overloading your thinking. New scenery continually erases what came before; memory is lost, shuffled, relabeled and forgotten. Gum is chewed; buttons are pushed; windows are lowered and opened. A fast moving car is the only place where you're legally allowed to not deal with your problems. It's enforced meditation and this is good."

- "Life After God" by Douglas Coupland

Book 1. Excerpt A.

I dropped by the library on my way home from work and picked up four Douglas Coupland books. First of the four to conquer: "Life After God"

Excerpt A:
"And this in turn made me think about humans. To be specific, I wondered about what it is that makes us humans, well...human? What is human behavior? For example, we know what dog behavior is: dogs do doggy things- they chase sticks, they sniff bums and they stick their heads out of moving car windows. And we know what cat behavior is: cats chase mice, they rub up against your shin when they're hungry and they have trouble deciding whether or not they want to exit a door or stay inside when you go to let them out. So what exactly is it that humans do that is specifically human?

I looked at it a different way. I thought: here it is, as a species we've built satellites and cablevision and Ford Mustangs but what if, say, it was dogs and not people who had invented these things. How would dogs express their essential dogginess with inventions? Would they build space stations shaped like big bones that orbited the earth? Would they make movies of the moon and sit in drive-ins howling at the show?

Or what if it was cats and not humans who invented technology- would cats build scratching-post skyscrapers covered entirely with shag carpeting? Would they have TV shows starring rubber squeak toys?

But it wasn't other animals who invented machines, it was humans. So what is it about our essential humanity that we are expressing with our inventions? What is it that makes us us?

I thought of how odd it is for billions of people to be alive, yet not one of them is really quite sure of what makes people people. The only activities I could think of that humans do that have no other animal equivalent were smoking, body-building, and writing. That's not much, considering how special we seem to think we are."

absorbed

I worked 10.5 hours today. I'm exhausted. I'm stressed. This week has been nuts. I cried on my drive home.

But things I remembered throughout today's struggle...
- I'm a confident public speaker.
- I get shit done.
- My job is rewarding.
- I have awesome kids.
- I'm making a difference.
- I laugh more now than I did a year ago.
- I'm supported and loved.

I can rest with that.

feeling sorry

For several months now I have been on the library waiting list for Paramore's newest album "Brand New Eyes." I could have easily bought the album off iTunes or checked out all the songs via YouTube but for some reason my most rational thought was to wait for 83 people to listen to that CD first before I could possess that very record in my own hands.

Now that I have the CD inserted in my car stereo I'm loving what I've waited so long to hear. On their last album I became obsessed with one song in particular called "Hallelujah." That song changed my life for the better. Cliche, I realize, but true. This time, though I haven't been remarkably changed yet, I do find myself listening to a new song over and over and over again. It's called "Feeling Sorry" and I'm ridiculously obsessed. So of all songs on their newest album, this one has caught my ear and required my finger to compulsively press repeat.

Lyrics alone don't make the song. I'd say the guitar and harmony contribute greatly. But for viewing pleasure I've listed the lyrics below. I highly recommend jamming out to this song as soon as possible. Preferably with windows down.

"Feeling Sorry" by Paramore

We still live in the same town, well, don't we?
But I don't see you around anymore
I go to all the same places, not even a trace of you
Your days are numbered at 24
And I'm getting bored waiting round for you,
We're not getting any younger, and I
Won't look back 'cause there's no use
It's time to move forward

I feel no sympathy,
You lived inside a cave
You barely get by the rest of us,
You're trying, there's no need to apologize,
I've got no time for feeling sorry

I tried not to think of what might happen,
When your reality, finally, cuts through
Well, as for me, I got out and I'm on the road
The worst part it that this (THIS!) this could be you
You know it too, you can't run from your shame
You're not getting any younger, time,
Is passing by, but you waited awake
It's time to roll over

I feel no sympathy,
You lived inside a cave
You barely get by the rest of us,
You're trying, there's no need to apologize,
I've got no time for feeling sorry

And all the best lies,
They are told with fingers tied
So cross them tight,
Won't you promise me tonight
If it's the last thing you do, you'll get out

I feel no sympathy,
You lived inside a cave
You barely get by the rest of us,
You're trying, there's no need to apologize,
I've got no time, I've got no time

I feel no sympathy,
You lived inside a cave
You barely get by the rest of us,
You're trying, there's no need to apologize,
Got no time!

I've got no time for feeling sorry!
I've got no time for feeling sorry!

one month later

all I can really say is... it's a new year for new beginnings, new relationships, new experiences, new opportunities, and new memories to be made.