single apartment thoughts

I have a Queen size bed. It's missing a warm body. Every time I lay down in it I think to myself, "this would be much better if I were sharing it with someone."

Due to the attractive porch light forced on every night by the apartment complex, I'm left with little confidence that a romantic moment can occur on my doorstep. Any future kiss goodnight will have to occur at the bottom of the stairs or in my apartment. The last option being plausible only if he's willing to duck and cover from all the stupid flying bugs whizzing about the light inconveniently placed too close to my door. He'll have to work for that kiss.

The biggest problem of living by myself is not knowing how I want to decorate my walls. They're just blank cream colored walls waiting to be filled with vibrancy. What should I place here? How high should it be? How will this look next to the other thing? Does this look cluttered? What if I move it here? And where should this go? How many nails do I have? Does this look stupid? ...I give up.

The Igo Library is my favorite new neighbor. Located a hop skip and jump away from my apartment I can visit Igo and borrow whatever books, CDs, and DVDs I want. Thanks SA Public Library system.

I've been hanging around with a lot of boys recently and occassionally I'm the only girl in the group. I've taken the opportunity to probe their minds in learning more about their thought process concerning their interest in girls. I'm boggled by a lot of their answers and yet never surprised as well. I think I face more denial in believing they truly can be THAT superficial and follow what their penis wants more so than their heart or mind. My most recent conversation discussed the complexity between personality and looks. Take a guess which they payed attention to first... Duh, looks. So as a girl who would place herself in the personality category before ever thinking her looks qualify her to primarily be in the looks catergory, it was a disappointing response.

book list

...currently reading "The Male Brain: A Breakthrough Understanding of How Men and Boys Think" by Louann Brizendine, MD

135 pages of fascinating research and explanations for coming to terms with the rhyme and reason of male behavior...

like a surgeon

I wonder how many 24 year old virgins there are in the world right now... How many females? How many males? And what would the ratio then be for a virgin to marry a virgin? What will the population percentage of 24 year old virgins be when this upcoming generation of children become 24 years old? What's the probability the virgin percentage will be devastatingly lower than right now? How big is the percentage drop off from 24 year old virgins to 25 year old virgins and so on for each following year? Are there any 40 year old virgins currently in existence? What's the oldest age documented for someone being a virgin? If God wanted to bring another child to this earth through immaculate conception would He have a difficult time finding a carrier?

hair did

I had six bobby pins tucked in my hair today. Essential pieces to making my side loopy simple do look complex and intricate. It's just a ponytail with bent and malleable flare. Relax.

Thursday

1 Dos Equis
1 Whiskey & Coke
1 Red Bull & Vodka
2 Smirnoff Ice
Total: $6

Cute bartender in Austin's tip: $20 and my phone #

Why don't I go out more??

affirmation

"Against this system of mutual exploitation stands the more compelling alternative of virginity. It escapes the ruthless cycle of winning and losing because it refuses to play the game. The promiscuous of both sexes will take their cheap shots at one another, disguising infidelity and selfishness as freedom and independence, and blaming the aftermath on one another. But no one can claim control over a virgin. Virginity is not a matter of asserting power in order to manipulate. It is a refusal to exploit or be exploited. That is real, and responsible, power.

But there is more to it than mere escape. There is an undeniable appeal in virginity, something that eludes the resentful feminist's contemptuous label of "prude." A virgin woman is an unattainable object of desire, and it is precisely her unattainability that increases her desirability. Feminism has told a lie in defense of its own promiscuity, namely, that there is no sexual power to be found in virginity. On the contrary, virgin sexuality has extraordinary and unusual power. There's no second-guessing a virgin's motives: her strength comes from a source beyond her transitory whims. It is sexuality dedicated to hope, to the future, to marital love, to children and to God. Her virginity is, at the same time, a statement of her mature independence from men. It allows a woman to become a whole person in her own right, without needing a man either to revolt against or to complete what she lacks. It is very simple, really: no matter how wonderful, charming, handsome, intelligent, thoughtful, rich or persuasive he is, he simply cannot have her. A virgin is perfectly unpossessable."

Laura Lately

I seem to have gained a stronger compulsion for making lists since a) graduating from college and now b) having a full-time job. My desk has post-it notes galore spread about its surface. And it truly is as if I would forget what I need to do in life were in not for ordered or bullet-pointed neon colored square pieces of paper. How did it come to this state of mind?

I'm not sure when I took my first "spiritual gifts survey" but it must have occurred during my senior year of college because that's when I was most quote-unquote active in church. At that time I scored highest (23-24/25) range with three spiritual gifts: exhortation, service/helps, and mercy. Conveniently enough I answered the same spiritual gifts survey a couple of weeks ago with my middle school kids at church. I scored nearly the same on every gift with the inclusion of administration residing in the high score range. So what do these four spiritual gifts mean to me now? Well, as they i.e. LifeWay Christian Resources puts it...
- Administration: Persons with the gift of administration lead the body by steering others to remain on task. Administration enables the body to organize according to God-given purposes and long-term goals.
- Exhortation: Possessors of this gift encourage members to be involved in and enthusiastic about the work of the Lord. Members with this gift are good counselors and motivate others to service. Exhortation exhibits itself in preaching, teaching, and ministry.
- Service/Helps: Those with the gift of service/helps recognize practical needs in the body and joyfully give assistance to meeting those needs. Christians with this gift do not mind working behind the scenes.
- Mercy: Cheerful acts of compassion characterize those with the gift of mercy. Persons with this gift aid the body by empathizing with hurting members. They keep the body healthy and unified by keeping others aware of the needs within the church.
Not surprisingly, I identify strongly with all of these four spiritual gifts. Gifts like prophecy and evangelism though are definitely not my forte. It is so interesting when surveying oneself to see similar categories or terms continuously reappear in defining you.

The latest and greatest radio station I've become obsessed with is 90.1 KSYM, San Antonio College's own homegrown radio station. Their weekly schedule is so eclectic, I never get tired of tuning in. Whether in the mood for some piano jazz, techno tronic, or some indie alternative folk music, I'm down with KSYM. http://www.accd.edu/sAC/ksym/schedule.htm

I've been examining friendships lately. What I need in a friend, who do I define as a friend, how can I be a better friend, etc. All very fascinating conclusions that still remain open-ended.

I fear that my job will end soon due to dropped funding and poor program outcomes. I hate non-profit work at times.

Currently engrossed in "Boomsday" by Christopher Buckley. Glimpse of inside cover synopsis: "Cassandra Devine, an idealistic, straight-A student, was like any other seventeen-year-old Yale hopeful until she learned that her father spent her tuition money on a dotcom start-up, and she would be forced to join the army. Ten years later, Cassandra has become a frustrated Washington spin doctor and devoted nighttime blogger who rails against the excesses of the "Un-greatest" generation and their negligent handling of the mounting Social Security debt. After she learns that her father has remarried and bought his dim-witted son's way into Yale, she politely suggests on her personal blog that Baby Boomers be given government incentives to kill themselves by age seventy-five. This modest proposal catches fire with millions of outraged citizens and an ambitious senator seeking the youth vote for his presidential bid. With the help of Washington's greatest PR strategist, Cassandra and the politician try to ride the issue of euthanasia for Boomers (they call it "Transitioning") all the way to the White House. Their opposition includes the president of the United States, who's running for reelection; a pro-life preacher, who may have killed his own mother in a mysterious automobile accident; and, of course, multitudes of Baby Boomers, who are deeply offended by demonstrations on the golf courses of their retirement resorts." Catchy plot, eh? So good.

I need rest.